Welcome back to the Thursday feature blogs, Offbeaters! Isn’t it so nice to have us back?
Of course it is.
You missed us so much, we decided the only logical thing to do for our first feature was to feature our beautiful, beloved selves. So here it is, glorious and bright, the 7 reasons why to buy The Offbeat (other than the fact we’re fabulous):
1) Your Horde of Books Will Have a Gorgeous New Member
Well, under the assumption you are all large book nerds like we are, you similarly have beautiful shelves of books in a wonderful, dragon-worthy horde. Having this beautiful new cover (courtesy of our staff member, Layne Alfred) like this will really brighten up your collection and bring great color. It’ll be a great new addition.
2) The Perfect Way to Read a Little Each Day
Also, having a book on your shelf with really short segments might finally get you out of that reading dry spell you’ve been having. Life gets busy, we all know it, but when you only have to read a page or two and get a full reading experience? Perfect to be the thing that helps bring you out of these frustrating lulls.
3) A Great Distraction to Charm an Intruder
Or as some call them, “new friends”. Either way, we all know that people’s first time visiting your home can be a nerve-wracking and uncomfortable thing, and that maybe it even feels like a straight up home invasion if you were just too anxious to say no. Either way, charm them by talking to them about books, your safe place, and The Offbeat, with so many zany stories, can fill up hours of easy conversation. If not, dump them. They are not good friends.
4) An Effective Protection Against Nuclear Explosions
Now hear me out. You can’t die from the nuclear apocalypse if you are holed up in your basement-library, reading The Offbeat like a content mole, right? So seriously, this could actually save your life. You’re welcome.
5) Your Friend When Everyone Else is Dead
After the nuclear apocalypse occurs, it’s likely all your friends are dead since you only had three anyway. So after you find yourself alone or end up eating your best friend Brett because he looked so good when you were starving, at least The Offbeat with its many voices and authors can keep you company. After all, who needs friends in a deadly mutated wasteland when you have books?
6) It Can Be a Great Thing to Hold When the World Disintegrates Around You
You’ve survived the apocalypse. Hell, maybe even you’re the biggest, baddest survivor around, with weapons or a following or even an unusually loyal stray dog at your side. But the world didn’t survive as well as you did. When the entire thing inevitably collapses, disintegrating between your fingertips, you can hold onto The Offbeat, your oldest friend, as you both fall away into nothingness.
7) The Offbeat is Cool
…But really the best reason is that The Offbeat is very cool and we worked very hard on it. We had great contributors who made the process wonderful, and a great team that made the work feel enjoyable and fun. We love our Offbeat, and we’d love if you’d love it too.
Check out our new book, love it please, and stay weird.
(This post is accredited to our communications team member and blog manager, Stephanie Marceau)